


TOS: Echo Logs

by doodlerTM



Category: Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Developing Friendships, Ficlet, Fix-It, Flash Fic, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Microfic, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Vignette, im adding more tags as i go along
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-07
Updated: 2020-10-17
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:28:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 78
Words: 16,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22154782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doodlerTM/pseuds/doodlerTM
Summary: A collection of TOS ficlets/microfic/flash fic stories (mainly short conversations) that take place mostly after each episode.
Comments: 14
Kudos: 59





	1. The Man Trap: Wonderings

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place post-"The Man Trap." Enjoy!

Dr McCoy's feet felt heavy as he trudged over the hill to Nancy's grave, leaving the ensign behind to watch guard. Jim had been gracious, giving him a couple hours to say goodbye as well as allowing the crew to collect notes and supplies from the camp.

He hadn't brought flowers. It had seemed cheap and a waste of a replicator ration. Still, he wondered if he should have. This cursed planet was so colorless and bland, and empty.

Bones recalled the last time he'd talked to her – the real Nancy. They'd had a conversation about their relationship. Starship life was not for her, as it turned out. And he respected that.

Bones just had to wonder – if things had been different, would she have ended up here, at this little marker on a hill on a forgettable planet? There was no telling now. The doctor chuckled to himself as he realized that Spock would tell him such wonderings were illogical. 

He only could hope that she'd been happy.


	2. Charlie X: Consent

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a re-write of a scene in the episode "Charlie X" where Kirk can't seem to tell Charlie why consent is a thing. Enjoy!

“Excuse me, captain,” Charlie said, catching Kirk's attention. “The doctor said I should talk to you about something.”

Kirk sighed. “Well, what is it?”

Charlie turned away. “It's kind of complicated. Well, Janice, I mean, Yeoman...” he trailed off.

Kirk raised his eyebrows impatiently.

“I was talking to her and then I – well I -” Charlie reached over and slapped the captain's behind. “I did that, and she didn't like it. What did I do wrong?”

Kirk brought his hand to his chin. Sure, he was nervous – how to explain something that seemed so obvious to him and to his crew? But his conscious depended on his perfect articulation.

“You see, Charlie,” he began, “when you touch – when you touch someone in that way, someone who you don't really know very well, it's taking away their autonomy. You know – their choice. Women are – women are not possessions. Every person has free will, and you can't just take that away from them. Would you want someone to do something to you, that you didn't want them to do?”

“I guess not,” Charlie admitted. 

“So that's why it's wrong. Being respectful of people's boundaries and feelings and desires – that's the real way to have a relationship, a friendship. Does that make sense?”

Charlie nodded. “Yes, I think so.”

But he didn't really care.


	3. Where No Man Has Gone Before: Dreams

“You look tired, Jim,” Spock noted as he and Captain Kirk played a game of 3D chess, a week after the incident on Delta Vega. 

“Tell me, Mr. Spock. Don't you ever have dreams?”

“I can't say that I do,” Spock replied.

“I've been having nightmares about Gary. So I'd rather not be sleeping if I have to keep... seeing him like that,” Kirk trailed off. 

“You ought to see Dr. McCoy if you're having trouble sleeping,” Spock said.

Kirk shook his head. “He'll probably give me medication or worse, prescribe bedrest,” he said doubtfully.

“Regardless, you should see the doctor,” Spock said with more sternness, and Kirk knew that the Vulcan wouldn't let it rest until he'd spoken with Bones about it all.

Kirk stretched in his chair and left the chess game to look out the starship window. Spock followed him. 

“I just have to wonder if I hadn't insisted that Gary be assigned here on the Enterprise, maybe he would have been safe. Maybe none of that would have happened.”

“Captain, need I remind you that he chose to serve on this ship. And if it hadn't been him, it would have taken someone else.”

“Still,” Kirk said, looking out the window.

“It will do no good to focus on what could have been. We're here, and we'll carry on, Captain.”

“Thank you, Mr. Spock.”


	4. The Naked Time: The Elephant in the Room

Spock and Kirk's weekly lunch hour was tense and uneasy. Originally it had started as a perfunctory meeting to discuss ship business, but it had quickly grown into something more informal. 

However, after the incident on Psi 2000, there was something that was bothering Kirk. 

Kirk remained curt towards Spock, until Spock finally said, “Is there something the matter, Captain?”

Kirk frowned and shook his head. “Aren't we going to talk about the elephant in the room, Mr. Spock?”

Spock raised an eyebrow. “I'm afraid I'm not familiar with that Earth nomenclature.”

“It means,” Kirk said, pushing himself up from the table in frustration, “that there's something that needs addressing that isn't being addressed.” He walked over to the window in the cafeteria.

“And what would that be?”

Kirk just sighed and didn't answer. 

Spock stood up and followed Kirk to where he stood. He placed a hand on the captain's shoulder. “If you're referring to what I said when I was infected by the virus, there are logical reasons for my... feelings.”

Now it was time for Kirk to raise an eyebrow. “What would those reasons be, Mr. Spock?”

“Vulcans are to remain detached from any personal fondness. And I must admit, I look forward to our time together. And a friendship with someone so... well. It would be frowned upon.” Spock paused.

Kirk flashed a smile. “So...what?”

“So illogical, I suppose.”

“Gladly obliged,” Kirk said, still smiling. “And, for what it's worth, I'm glad to call you a friend too. Despite your logicness.”

Spock let out the very smallest hint of a smile.


	5. The Enemy Within: Art Therapy

Yeoman Janice Rand was putting the finishing strokes on a painting in her quarters. 

After a few more moments, she set down her brush. “I'm finished,” she said to the person on the small viewscreen nearby. 

“Let's see it,” said Dr. Minor through the viewscreen.

Janice turned the painting around so the other woman could see. The painting was of a massive cliff overlooking a vivid red-orange sunset. 

“That's really spectacular,” said Dr. Minor, “but I thought I asked you to put yourself in this painting. Where are you?”

Janice pointed to a barely discernible dark smudge on top of the cliff. 

“That's you?” the woman through the viewscreen with a tone of disbelief. 

“Yes.”

There was a pause before Dr. Minor said, “Why is that?”

Janice shook her head. After the “evil” Kirk had sexually assaulted her, Dr. McCoy had insisted on two courses of action: her immediate temporary re-assignment to the lower decks of the Enterprise, and seeing a therapist regularly. Since there were no licensed therapists aboard the Enterprise, Dr. McCoy had set her up with a contact of his from Starfleet Medical, Dr. Alyssa Minor. After Dr. Minor learned that Janice liked painting, she suggested art therapy. 

But now Janice was having second thoughts. “I don't know,” Janice said finally. She'd been having trouble sleeping since the assault. The yeoman turned the painting back around, looking at the red sunset. 

As red as the scratches she'd left on the captain's face. 

“I feel unremarkable,” Janice added. “Like everything has changed for me, and nothing has changed for him.”

“Captain Kirk, you mean,” Dr. Minor said.

“Of course.” Janice reached out to the little blot on her painting. “How can I stop feeling so small?” she asked. 

“It will come with time,” the therapist said. “But I want you to know that I'm not expecting you to suddenly act like everything is okay. And neither is Dr. McCoy.” Dr. Minor turned away from Janice for a moment. Turning back after regaining her composure, she added, “I know how unfair this is. I wish I could do more for you.”

Janice looked at the doctor and back at her painting before saying, “I hope this will be enough.”


	6. Mudd's Women: For Herself

Eve took one last look at the mining planet of Rigel XII as the starship she was on zoomed past it. It had been a year since she'd arrived there with Mudd, Ruth and Magda. And she'd had lots of time to think about her circumstances. In fact, nothing but, since Ben Childress and the other miners worked long hours mining for lithium despite the harsh climate. 

She'd told Ben that she wanted to visit her family, which was true. But he only had her word on whether she would return.

And she wasn't planning on it. 

Eve had decided that her confidence, her body, her beauty – it wasn't for sale. It wasn't for consumption and adoration by men. 

It was for herself, and it was time that she chose what to do with it.


	7. What Are Little Girls Made Of?: Interests

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This accidentally turned into a Chapel & Spock ship piece? I guess?

Nurse Christine Chapel had gotten to her shift at sickbay early, and decided to read a book before the first appointment of the day.

She became so engrossed that she didn't notice Mr. Spock enter the room. 

“Nurse Chapel?” he asked, his eyebrows raised. “I'm here for my yearly physical.”

She looked up from her PADD. “Oh, I'm so sorry, Mr. Spock.” Chapel stood up and pulled up Spock's medical record as Spock took a seat on one of the beds.

As she began taking his vitals, Spock's eyes drifted to Chapel's PADD on the counter. “May I ask what sort of book has so captivated your attention?” 

Christine smiled to herself. Many of the crewmembers accused Spock of being cold and calculating; however, he never failed to be observant and interested in what others were doing and thinking. “Oh, it's a nineteenth-century novel that Dr. Minor suggested I read.”

“The therapist associate of Dr. McCoy's?”

“The same,” Chapel nodded. “Dr. McCoy suggested I see her after the... incident on Exo III last month.”

“With Dr. Korby, yes.”

Chapel looked away as she finished up his vitals. “With Roger,” she corrected unconsciously. “Anyhow, it's probably not something you're familiar with.” 

Spock picked up the PADD and glanced at it. “Mary Shelley's _Frankenstein,_ ” he said a moment later. “Fitting, I suppose.”

“I didn't know you read Earth literature, Mr. Spock.”

“I find it a fascinating reflection on the human condition.”

At that moment, Dr. McCoy entered the room. “Sorry I'm late,” he said. Looking at Spock and Chapel, he added, “Am I interrupting something?”

“We were just discussing Earth literature,” Spock replied. “Certainly nothing you'd be interested in.”

Dr. McCoy snorted. “You'd be surprised at what interests me and what doesn't, Spock.”

As Bones began Spock's exam in earnest, Spock said, “Perhaps we can continue our discussion later, Nurse Chapel.”

_Yes,_ Christine thought, _perhaps._


	8. Miri: Implusiveness

“I've brought the medical scans from Earth 2 that you requested, Doctor,” Spock said, handing Dr. McCoy a stack of documents. 

“Great, thanks,” Bones said, placing them on a nearby counter. “Anything else?”

“Yes, I do have a question for you,” Spock said with some hesitancy. “How did you know that the serum would work, down on the planet?”

“I didn't,” Dr. McCoy said, picking up a PADD to look at a patient's file. “I suppose you could say I exercised a bit of impulsiveness.” He looked back up at Spock. “Not that you'd know anything about that,” he huffed. 

“On the contrary,” Spock said, “I have made several... impulsive decisions in my youth.”

“Really?” Bones asked. “Now that I'd like to see.”

Spock was determined to have the last word. He glanced around Bones' office – scattered with PADDs and other documents. “Perhaps a story for another time,” he said. “Certainly you must be busy, with the shortage of medical staff from our recent excursion.”

Before Dr. McCoy could come up with a smart comeback, the Vulcan was gone, out of sickbay and down the corridor. 

Bones shook his head. He'd have to ask Jim about that later – though he doubted even Jim knew much about Spock's childhood. 

For all his complaining, Bones had to admit that his life would certainly be duller without Spock.


	9. Dagger of the Mind: Apology Transferred

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oops my disdain for kirk is showing

Dr. Helen Noel was taking last one trip to the sickbay on the Enterprise, to get final authorization from Dr. McCoy before her transfer to the Reliant. 

“It's a shame to lose you, Dr. Noel,” Bones said while signing her PADD. He hesitated for a moment before adding, “I'm sorry for what happened on Tantalus Colony, by the way.”

“Excuse me?”

“Well, I'm assuming that's why you asked to be transferred,” Dr. McCoy continued.

“Partly,” Dr. Noel said. “It's not your fault though, Doctor.”

“'Course not. But it's not the first time Jim's made things awkward and it probably won't be the last. He's always too hot or too cold.” Realizing he was still holding the PADD, Bones handed it back to Dr. Noel. “Anyways, sorry for holding you up.”

“Not a problem,” she said. “Thanks for the apology.”

Bones watched her go, hoping to hell that Starfleet would send someone else just as talented and that the captain wouldn't get tangled up with her.


	10. The Corbomite Maneuver: Gaslighted

“Something's bothering you, isn't it,” Kirk observed as he and Dr. McCoy ate lunch in the captain's quarters. They had left Bailey with Balok and the Fesarius the day before.

Bones shook his head. “Don't you, I dunno, feel a little gaslighted? I seriously thought we were going to die through that whole ordeal with Balok.”

Kirk shrugged. “If you really thought he was going to kill us all, why were you so insistent on Bailey, then?”

“A man ought to die defending his principles, Jim. You of all people should understand that.”

Kirk took a drink of water. “Touche. And to answer your first question, perhaps they don't fear death.”

“Bullshit. I don't think he wouldn't have threatened us with it if he wasn't afraid of it himself.”

“Well, I don't know what to tell you, Doctor. Philosophy is more of Spock's expertise.”

Bones snorted. “Like I'd get into with him about philosophy.” He paused before adding, “I'm just glad that Bailey seemed to be doing better before he left.”

Kirk smiled a little before saying, “Well, you'd know. You're the expert, Bones.”

“You'd better believe I am.”


	11. The Menagerie: A Good Thing

“You asked to see me, Doctor?” Spock asked, entering McCoy's office in sickbay.

Bones shrugged. “Well, I guess it's not really that important.”

Spock raised an eyebrow. “If it wasn't important then you wouldn't have called me here.”

“Well...” Bones trailed off. “I just had a question. Why'd you do that whole business for Chris Pike? Jim had his suspicions from the start, but I never would have thought you'd do something like that.”

Spock folded his hands behind his back. “Doctor, would you not sacrifice almost everything to save the life of a patient you cared deeply for? Even deceive and undermine others?”

“Well, sure, _I_ would. Though first I'd put them under someone else's care. Conflict of interest, you know.” Bones shook his head. “I get what you're saying, but this isn't about what I would do, Spock.”

“Do you presume to accuse me of some sort of sentimentality? The captain already beat you to it, I'm afraid.”

“No, I do that enough anyways. I'm genuinely curious why you'd risk everything for him.”

“Eleven years I served on the Enterprise under his command, Doctor. And for eleven years he led the vessel and made beneficial decisions on behalf of its crew. It was only fitting that I should return the favor.”

“Hmmph, that's fair.” Bones smiled a little. “It was a good thing you did, Spock.”

Spock turned to leave the sickbay. “I find that the term 'good' is rather relative, Doctor. But thank you.”


	12. The Conscience of the King: Make Sense of It All

Just as Bones was about to call Kirk on his PADD, Riley ran into sickbay, breathing heavily.

“What happened?” Dr. McCoy said. 

“The captain wouldn't let me kill him,” Riley replied. He collapsed on one of the beds for a brief second before drawing curtains around the bed. Bones thought he could hear Riley screaming into a pillow.

Dr. McCoy was just starting to regain his composure and return to his reports when the captain entered. “Where's Riley?” 

“He's here,” Bones replied, and nodded toward the curtained area. The sickbay grew quiet.

“Kodos the Executioner is dead,” Kirk said. “His daughter killed him by accident.” 

“Is that so?”

Captain Kirk sighed. “Yes. I want you to keep an eye on Riley for a few hours. I'll be back later.” And just as quickly as he'd arrived, the captain was gone. 

Riley pulled back the curtain a little. “I'm glad,” he mumbled.

Dr. McCoy raised an eyebrow. “Are you really?”

Riley didn't answer but laid down before drawing back the curtains. 

Bones didn't envy the kid, or the captain for that matter. But he'd do what he could to help them make sense of it all.


	13. Balance of Terror: Duty

Spock waited with Kirk for the night shift “captain” to take over for the evening. In Spock's opinion, Kirk took all his worries from the bridge back to his quarters with him far too often. But what could he do about that?

“What's on your mind, captain? You've seemed distracted lately.”

Kirk gave his science officer a thoughtful look. “Well, Mr. Spock, I've been thinking about what that Romulan commander said before we lost him. He said we were 'of a kind.' Do you think I'm ruthless as he is?”

“Ruthless? No. Cunning? Of course. Your position demands it. The safety of the people on this ship depend on it.”

The captain nodded. “Both of us bound by duty.”

“That is correct,” Spock answered. 

Kirk paused before adding, “But despite everything I did, Tomlinson still died. It's never enough, is it?”

“You fulfilled your duty to protect the people aboard this ship. That is all that can be asked of you. No one blames you for the death of Tomlinson.”

Kirk smiled for the first time that week. “You really do know how to cheer up a captain, Spock.”

Spock cocked an eyebrow. “Only doing my duty.”


	14. Shore Leave: Wish Fulfillment

Spock didn't often go to the ship's greenhouse, but Sulu had asked for some plant data and so he made his way down there. Sulu was inspecting one of the plants from the shore leave planet as Spock arrived. 

“Ah, the data,” Sulu said, looking up at Spock. “You can put the PADD there, thanks.”

“Find out anything interesting?” Spock asked. It smelled earthy and fresh here - unlike the rest of the ship, where the air sometimes felt stale.

“Oh yes, lots of things. We're lucky the caretaker allowed us to take a few. We could learn a lot by studying these.”

“Fascinating,” Spock said, ready to make his leave. 

“Wait,” Sulu said, raising a hand. “Are you busy, Mr. Spock?”

“That was my last task for the day,” Spock admitted.

Sulu walked away from his plants. “You know, I was wondering why you didn't go on shore leave.”

“I thought I explained that already, Helmsman.”

“Sure you did. But haven't you ever had anything you longed for more than anything? Any wish or dream that you wanted but couldn't have?”

“Certainly. However, in my opinion, that wish fulfillment would be unhealthy for me to experience. It is merely a dream, it is not real and therefore, not worth wasting my energy on.”

Sulu wasn't sure what sort of answer he was expecting, but the reply surprised him somehow. “That was very well-articulated, Mr. Spock.”

“Thank you. It is something I pride myself on. By the way, might I ask how you spent your shore leave?”

“Oh, you know. Shooting, mostly. I also enjoyed examining some rare plants. I saw a Titan Arum, or _Amorphophallus titanum._ The corpse flower! Did you know that it can take them up to ten years to flower for the first time?”

“I did not know that.” Spock paused before adding, “No women?”

Sulu laughed. “Oh, Mr. Spock. I am gay.”

“Is that so?”

“Yes! Anyhow, I am in a relationship. I feel like any sort of imagining like that would be cheating, wouldn't it?”

“I suppose it would,” Spock replied.

Sulu let Spock leave at last and thought, _Perhaps we're not that different after all._


	15. Galileo Seven: Expression

“And we are gathered here to honor the lives of Lieutenants Latimer and Gaetano, who were brave men who did not deserve to die in the line of duty,” Spock said. He looked at the PADD with his prepared notes in order to regain his composure. “May we not remember them as they died, but as they lived – as loving and devoted family members and friends.” 

The crew members gathered clapped, and the public memorial continued with some more eulogies and sharing of memories. 

Afterwards, Bones found Spock standing awkwardly near the cheese platter. “Hey,” the doctor said, spreading some cheese on a cracker. “Nice job up there. You looked like you were gonna cry, though.” 

Spock merely raised an eyebrow. “I regret the loss of their lives. I have to admit it feels somewhat meaningless.”

“You could just say you feel sad, like the rest of us, you know.”

“Contrary to popular belief, Doctor, I do feel emotions. I merely choose not to act on or express those emotions.” 

Bones snorted. “Sure,” he said. “By the way, I meant to tell you - Scotty got a court martial against Boma for how he treated you on Taurus II. So I guess we'll see how that goes, huh?”

“Did he now,” Spock said. Leave it to Bones to tell him gossip that he didn't care to know. “I do not fault Boma for his lack of faith in me. I am usually not his commanding officer, after all.”

Dr. McCoy shrugged before pocketing a handful of crackers. “Well, my advice for your next command opportunity – you could use more of what you did up there.”

“Excuse me?”

“It's called empathy, Spock. And I have to say it looks pretty good on you.”


	16. The Squire of Gothos: The Gift

“What seems to be the issue?” Spock asked as he entered Kirk's quarters.

“Well, I'm not sure it's an problem exactly,” he said, pointing to a globe on his desk. “I've received a gift.”

Spock approached the captain's desk but declined to touch the globe. “It's hand-crafted,” he said, giving it a look-over. “Seems a little out of date – my best guess would be 20th century Earth.” Spock looked back up at the captain. “Where did this come from?”

“It appeared here, just now,” Kirk said. “It also came with a handwritten note.” He pulled a note written in cursive off his desk with a flourish. “'Dear Captain Kirk,'” he read, “'Mother and Father have forced me to pursue art and other hobbies since our time together on Gothos. I have learned so much since first meeting you – I've been forbidden to meet you again, but I have sent you this globe so you may never forget what a wonderful world you come from.'”

Spock raised an eyebrow as Kirk spun the globe idly. “Perhaps Trelane learned his lesson. It would be fascinating to meet him again and see if he has really changed.”

Kirk thought back to being chased through the forest by Trelane brandishing a sword. “If it's all the same to you, Mr. Spock,” he said, “I'd rather not.”


	17. Arena: Motivations

“Am I interrupting anything?” Bones asked as he entered Captain Kirk's quarters.

Kirk reached across the desk to shut off his computer, which was playing a recording of some kind. “Oh not at all,” he said. 

“Whatcha listening to?”

“Oh, the trial of the Gorn captain. I'd watch it, but I still can't bring myself to look at their faces.” 

“Is that so?” Bones said. “Can't say I blame you.”

“Yes, well...” Kirk said. “I have to wonder if the only reason I spared him was because I knew the Metrons were watching me. Judging me, if you will.”

Bones shrugged. “So what if it's that true, Jim? People have had far worse motivations than that, I can assure you.”

“If you say so, Doctor.”


	18. Tomorrow is Yesterday: Thought Experiment

“What are you typing there, Mr. Spock?” Uhura asked. They were in the mess hall, but most of the other crewman had finished their meals already, so Uhura felt less awkward about approaching him. 

Spock looked up from the PADD he'd been furiously writing in. “Just postulating some thoughts about Captain Christopher and his impact on our future. I am wondering what determines the 'value' of someone's life. Is Christopher noteworthy because he had a son that did something of note, or for simply living his life?” he asked rhetorically. 

“Of course you'd be having a thought experiment,” Uhura said, smiling with amusement.

“What do you think, Lieutenant?”

“Me? Well, I'd say that every person is valuable not necessarily for anything they accomplish, but for just being alive. Being able to enjoy a new day or have fun with friends, those are things worth saving.” Uhura shrugged. “Call me a romantic, but that's just me, I guess.”

Spock raised an eyebrow. “You said it, not me.”

“So what do you think?” Uhura said.

“I believe this is one of those problems that doesn't have a correct answer. However, it may be that the best solution is not the most logical one in this case. I think I would need more time to think before I come to an opinion.”

Uhura laughed. “You'd better not let Dr. McCoy catch you saying something like that. He'd never let you hear the end of it!”

“Perhaps. Though I find he tends to jump to his own conclusions even when I am being perfectly logical.” Spock nodded. “Thank you for your contribution, it was most helpful.”

Uhura left the Vulcan to his thoughts and was glad that they'd been able to send Captain Christopher home in the end, where he belonged. And she was glad too that she was here on the Enterprise, where she believed _she_ belonged.


	19. Court Martial: Crime & Punishment

Kirk picked up the call from Cogley in his quarters. His former lawyer smiled on the video screen. 

“Hello, Captain!” Cogley said cheerfully. “I presume you are doing well?”

“Nothing to complain about,” Kirk replied. “And you? I heard the case with Finney went well?”

“As best as it could; some psychiatric care and a few years of probation.” Cogley sighed. “He wasn't too happy, but I told him it could have been much worse.”

“Well, that's good to hear. I wouldn't have liked to see him in prison.”

“It is what it is. Oh, have you read the book that Lieutenant Shaw gave you from me?” Cogley asked. 

Kirk looked with some guilt at the copy of _Crime and Punishment_ sitting on his desk. “I have to admit, I've found it kind of dry so far.” 

“You must persevere, Captain! It's quite good. We'll have to chat about it sometime.”

“We'll see,” Kirk said. “By the way, have you... actually heard from Lieutenant Shaw lately?”

Cogley shrugged. “Not in person, though I did hear she got engaged last week. Exciting stuff!”

Kirk felt his smile slip away. “Yes. Congratulate her if you see her, would you?” 

“I certainly will!” 

The captain ended the video call and spun around lazily a few moments in silence before saying, “Computer, read out summary of Dostoevsky's _Crime and Punishment._ ”


	20. The Return of the Archons: An Ant Colony

“Take a seat,” Spock said as Sulu entered the boardroom. They both sat down at an oval table in the center of the room. “As you know, Lindstrom and some others stayed behind on Beta III to help the society adjust to no longer being controlled by Landru. But I had some questions about the influence that Landru had on our crewmates, being strangers to the planet.” Spock brought out a recorder and placed it on the table. Pressing record, he said, “Begin statement from Lieutenant Hikaru Sulu of the _USS Enterprise._ Please explain what happened when you came under Landru's influence.”

Sulu sighed before answering, “Well, it was the happiest I'd ever felt, plus ten times on top of that. But what I seemed to want changed as well.” 

“What did you want, Lieutenant?”

“I wanted to do whatever I was told, because the joy I was experiencing made me feel sure that whatever I was told to do would be the right choice. I didn't... have interest in things that usually make me happy, like my work in botany or research on weaponry. I only wanted to follow the orders.” Sulu paused before adding, “Thinking back on it now, it all seems so artificial. I might not feel as happy as I did then again, but I'll be able to make choices that will make things better naturally.” He smiled. “At least, I hope so!”

“That will do,” Spock said turning the recorder off. “Fascinating. The computer treated sentient beings as ants in a colony – simply alive to perform functions for the greater good of the society.”

“That's an interesting observation, Mr. Spock. But ants are able to do astounding things together that they wouldn't be able to do themselves, like take down predators or protect their colony.”

“But of course,” Spock said, “that is one of the factors the computer Landru did not take into account. Sentient, free-thinking beings are not objectively uniform as ants are. We can celebrate accomplishments done as a society, surely, but different individuals bring different skills to the table – different skills and values that cannot be objectified in the same way.” 

“Well put, Mr. Spock,” Sulu said, clapping the Vulcan on the shoulder. “I would say, very well put.”


	21. Space Seed: McGiver's Choice

“Transporter crew to bridge, the last of Khan's people has successfully beamed down to the planet,” the disembodied voice from the comm said. 

“Thank you, Ensign,” Captain Kirk said. “Continue course to Starbase 12.”

“And good riddance,” Dr. McCoy said, standing next to Spock at his workstation. “Still think Khan would have been better off in a cell, but at least they aren't gonna bother us anymore.”

“For once I agree with you, Doctor,” Spock replied. “But I see no harm in leaving them on the planet.” 

“Say, what do you think of McGivers? I thought for sure she wouldn't have gone with Khan, but she did.”

“That did not surprise me at all,” Spock said. “Khan's cult of personality and his enticing offer of choices made her decision obvious.”

“How do you figure?”

“McGivers' research was already on the psychologies of dictators and rulers, and I suspect that she felt unappreciated on the ship. The illusion of her own choice that he gave her was too tempting for her to do anything but accept.” The Vulcan steeped his hands. “Dare I say, the outcome was perfectly logical.”

Bones harrumphed before heading to the turbolift. “You and your logical infallibility, Mr. Spock. I swear it's gonna be the death of me.”


	22. A Taste of Armageddon: Relief & Assurance

“Well, Scotty,” Dr. McCoy said, taking some final notes on his PADD, “you've aced your physical again. I guess running the ship must keep you pretty fit.”

“Aye, that it does sir,” Scotty said, getting up from the exam bed. He started to head out of sickbay but Bones held up a hand. 

“Hold on a sec,” the doctor said. “Since you're here already, I gotta ask you something.”

“Fire away, Doctor.”

“When the captain issued that general order or whatever he told you to do, you weren't... actually going to follow through, were you? With bombing the planet?” It had been a week or so since the Enterprise's encounter on Eminiar VII, and the question still bothered Bones. When he'd asked Kirk about it, he'd been fairly evasive and said something about how they didn't have to worry about it anymore since Fox was negotiating a peace treaty now. That answer wasn't really good enough for the doctor.

Scotty shook his head. “No, sir. I played along as it was an direct order, but I know the captain. Two hours was a window large enough to give us time to figure out a solution that wouldn't result in mass bloodshed.” The engineer clapped Bones' shoulder reassuringly. “Dunna worry, Doctor. Even if the captain hadn't been bluffing, I would never do somethin' like that.” 

Bones just sighed. “Well, I gotta say, that takes a load off my shoulder.” 

Scotty winked. “Glad to be of service.”


	23. This Side of Paradise: Regrets

Bones walked up to Spock at his work station on the bridge. “Here,” he said, handing Spock some data discs, “the reports on the pods from both me and Sulu. The spores seem to exhibit a chemical similar to THC, the main component in cannabis.”

Spock took the discs from the doctor. “That could explain a few things.”

“Couldn't it?” Bones grinned in spite of himself. “Also it seems our captain has a rare resistance to the affects of it. Psychotropic chemicals not affecting the human body is not unheard of, but it _is_ uncommon. Biochemistry isn't my expertise but I'm itching to do some more research.”

Spock seemed stoic as ever despite Bones' excitement. “Fascinating. It could be worth looking into.”

The doctor nodded. “Well, I won't keep you.” He turned to walk away but looked back. “Oh by the way, Sandoval and the others are beaming down to Starbase 27 tomorrow morning. Leila asked if you would see her off.”

Spock merely raised an eyebrow. “That would be pointless, Doctor. I have already said goodbye to her.” 

Shrugging, Bones said, “I told her that but I think she was hoping there was still a chance she could see you again. She was and is hung up on you terribly, Spock.”

Spock had nothing left to say. He waited until Bones had left before letting out an almost imperceptible sigh. He certainly had his regrets but it would change nothing to give them words. 

He stuck the data discs in his computer. Anyway, it was time to get back to work.


	24. The Devil in the Dark: Continuing On

It was two years after the incident with the Horta on Janus VI, and the Enterprise was passing through the star system again. 

“Open a comm channel with the Janus colony, Lieutenant Uhura,” Kirk said. 

“Speaking with Chief Odella now, Captain,” Uhura said after a few moments. She looked at the captain. “It seems that Vanderburg retired last year, sir.”

“She's asking to speak with you privately, Spock,” she said, turning to the science officer with a look of surprise on her face. 

Kirk raised an eyebrow but said, “You may take the call in your quarters, Mr. Spock.”

\--- 

Once in his quarters with the video channel open, Spock was greeted by a middle-aged woman with short dark hair. “I'm Chief Odella,” she said. “I hope your captain wasn't offended by my request for a private chat with you.”

“Not at all,” Spock said. 

“I wanted you to be the first to know that the Mother Horta passed away a couple weeks ago. She kept asking for you, but I had no idea who you were – only that you seemed to be part of the initial team that communicated with the Horta. Vanderberg wiped most of the data about the initial incident with the Horta from our databases here. I think he was a little embarrassed that you and the other members of the Enterprise had to come in and solve it. 

Anyhow, with the help of Starfleet records and the team of Vulcans we have here assisting us with the young Horta, I got the full picture. So I felt it was only appropriate that you should know first.”

“That is very much appreciated, Chief,” Spock said. 

“She did not seem to be in pain,” Odella added. “Our scientists know a little bit more of their biology – not a lot, but enough to determine that she died from old age most likely.”

Spock sighed in relief of some kind. “I'm glad to hear that.”

“The young Horta have been creating some sort of memorial for her in the tunnels. I was told the Enterprise would be orbiting for several days so you're more than welcome to beam down and check it out. It's really quite something.”

“I would be most curious to see their mourning rituals,” Spock said. “And perhaps speak with them myself again.”

Odella smiled through the viewscreen. “I am sure they'd be happy to talk with you again. After all, you saved them all from destruction.”

“That is only partly true, Chief. I merely assisted in effective communication between two parties.”

“Ah, yes, the ambassador. Well, we'll look forward to seeing you.”

Spock ended the comm call and mused that the Horta seemed to mature faster and live longer than humanoids. Fascinating. He felt tinges of grief that he would address later. But it seemed that the end of the Mother Horta's life was not the end of the Horta themselves.

For that, he was glad.


	25. Errand of Mercy: Waiting for Peace

“The thing that bothers me, Bones,” Kirk said as he sat in the doctor's office in sickbay, “was that if the Organians were really as powerful as they demonstrated, why didn't they intervene the moment the Klingons stepped on the planet? Or hell, even when we came on the planet?”

“Didn't you say they had some version of the Prime Directive that we have, Jim?” Dr. McCoy asked. 

“Well, I suppose they did say that, didn't they,” the captain mused. “Still, I would have liked to have known that they had those powers all along.”

Bones chuckled despite himself. “Maybe you should give 'em a break. Us and the Klingons were probably the most interesting thing to happen on their planet in a few hundred years.”

“Spock said that perhaps they were waiting to see if we could solve the problem peacefully. And we failed in that respect, I guess.” 

“I dunno. I think I'd rather be flesh and bone rather than whatever the hell the Organians were, if you ask me.”

Kirk smiled a little, his frustration ebbing away in the presence of his friend. “I'd have to say I agree with you there, Bones.”


	26. The Alternative Factor: Freedom

“We're receiving a message from Starfleet Command, Captain,” Uhura said. 

“Put them on screen,” Kirk commanded. 

Commodore Barstow greeted the bridge crew. “This is just a message to let you know that the Lazarus from the parallel dimension, the Lazarus you encountered several months ago, appeared on Theta III a few hours ago.”

Kirk squinted in confusion. “How can that be? I thought that he and his double were trapped in the dimensional door for eternity.”

The commodore shrugged. “Don't ask me, this is why I'm an officer, not a scientist. All I know is, he's here, alive and well. We'll send you more information as we talk to him and figure out the story. So far, no magnetic disturbances like the last time.”

The captain let out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding. “Thank goodness. We'll wait to hear from you. Kirk out.”

“It seems Lazarus broke the cycle,” Spock said, suddenly at Kirk's side. “I would be intrigued to know how he solved his dilemma.” 

Kirk didn't care so much about the logistics, only that Lazarus was free. “I'm sure you'd like to know, Spock,” he said at last. “All in good time, I'm sure.”


	27. City on the Edge of Forever: Her Sacrifice

Dr. McCoy and Spock stood outside of Kirk's quarters, bickering. 

“Come on, Spock, it's been three days,” Bones said. “This ship needs its captain, and I'll be damned if I'm going to sit around and let him mope!”

“I agree,” Spock said. “But perhaps I should go in alone and convince him of his responsibilities through logic.”

Bones rolled his eyes. “That's ridiculous, he just needs me to knock some sense into him!”

The door to the captain's quarters opened at once. “Can I help you, gentlemen?” Kirk asked.

Bones pushed past the captain and strode into Kirk's room. “Listen, Jim, you have to pull yourself together! Spock's been working his pointy ears off and we need you back on the bridge!”

Kirk, looking despondent, walked back into his quarters and sat down. At Bones' mention of Spock working overtime, he said, “Is that true, Mr. Spock?” 

“My position as first officer demands it, Captain,” Spock said. “But I have to admit, I have been concerned about you.”

McCoy realized that his outburst had been insensitive. “Sorry if I was a little blunt there,” he apologized. “But Edith Keeler is gone now and I wish we could bring her back, but we just can't, Jim.”

Kirk sighed and straightened his back. “No, Bones, you're right. I just...” Tears sprang to his eyes. “It just doesn't seem fair that she had to make a sacrifice that she didn't even know about, and that I had to lose her, and all the potential we could have had together was just... lost.” He looked away from his friends.

Bones shook his head. “Yeah, I'm sorry Jim. I guess this is kind of all my fault.”

“How?” Kirk asked. 

“Well, if I hadn't overdosed on that cordrazine, then she wouldn't have had to die, isn't that right?”

“But then, the captain would have never met Miss Keeler in the first place,” Spock pointed out. 

They were all silent for a few moments. For the first time since watching Edith die, Kirk smiled. “I guess I haven't thought of it that way. It was a gift... just to know her for such a short time.”

“She was a very kind and thoughtful person,” Spock observed. “I am sure she was missed greatly.”

Kirk nodded. “Thanks, both of you.” He looked around his quarters. “Would you gentlemen care to join me for a walk? I have to say it's been a little cramped in here.” 

McCoy grinned and clapped the captain on the shoulder. “We'd be happy to come along with you.”


	28. Operation Annihilate: False Hope

_Patient has lost permanent vision in both eyes due to doctor error,_ McCoy wrote on his PADD in his office. He stopped typing and buried his head in his hands. Sometimes he really hated being a doctor. On the Enterprise, what was required of him was always complicated, important – and dangerous. The bigger the task, the higher chance he would make a mistake. 

Of course, no one blamed him for the mistake, but Bones would never forget the look that Jim gave him after they'd discovered Spock was blind.

 _God, you've really gone and done it this time, Leonard,_ he thought to himself. 

He gave up on the notes and went back to Spock's bed. Spock was still lying down. For what felt like the tenth time that hour, he grabbed his medical penlight and shone it into the Vulcan's eyes. 

Bones would need a specialist to determine whether Spock's vision could be corrected by surgery of some kind. The chances were slim but worth looking into...

Spock blinked as his pupils dilated for the first time since the procedure.

Dr. McCoy's jaw dropped as Spock said, “It appears my vision is coming back, Doctor.” 

Bones was absolutely flabbergasted. “This doesn't make any sense at all!” 

Spock sat up and explained the Vulcan ocular system at length; Bones considered taking notes but figured he could leave that until later. 

Bones shook his head once Spock was done speaking. “So you're saying you could have told me that this was going to happen and you didn't?” The anger in his tone was betraying him.

“I apologize, Dr. McCoy, I simply did not wish to give you what could be considered 'false hope.' You see, I did not know if my vision would return for certain, only that there was a mere possibility that it could.”

Bones had to admit he had a point. “Well, I guess the important thing is, is that you're alright,” he said at last. “Anything else I should know about Vulcans that you've been hiding from me?”

“If anything comes to mind, Doctor, I'll let you know.”

Bones shook his head and motioned Spock to get up. “Come on now, we gotta let Jim know that you're okay.” And they both left sickbay to head to the bridge.


	29. Amok Time: A Suggestion

“Now what sort of medical equipment is one supposed to bring to a man's wedding?” Dr. McCoy asked as he walked into sickbay. He only had a few moments before he, Kirk and Spock were going to beam down to the planet. 

“Do you really think that he's going to get married?” Nurse Chapel said.

Bones shrugged. “I have no idea, Christine,” he said. “He didn't seem too pleased about it so I wouldn't be too worried.”

He began searching for his bag that he brought on away missions when Chapel approached him and put a hypo in his hand. “Oh, is that the tri-ox? Thank you -” He looked closer and realized that it was not tri-ox. “What's this? What would I need this for?”

The nurse just shrugged. “Well, you said yourself that Spock seemed unstable and...” she trailed off. “By all means, it's more of a suggestion.”

Bones rolled the syringe around in his hand. “No, I think I'll keep it. Thanks,” he said.

It felt deceptive putting the paralytic hypo in with his equipment, but also strangely right.


	30. Who Mourns for Adonais?: Good & Gone

Bones plunged the hypo into Montgomery Scott's lower back. “You've got to stop crawling around the Jefferies tubes, Scotty,” the doctor scolded. “Or at least do the stretches that I told you to do.”

Scotty smiled sheepishly. “I always forget to do those, Doctor. I'd make the ensigns do the heavy liftin' but if the ship's about to blow up I'd prefer to fix it myself.”

Bones shrugged. “That's fair. You should be all set now. Oh, by the way,” he added, “how'd it go with Lieutenant Palamas?”

Scotty shook his head. “She left last week. She accepted a position with a university on Earth. Wants to write a book about Apollo.” He sighed. “I felt so bad about what he did to her. A woman shouldna be treated that way!”

The doctor put a hand on Scotty's shoulder. “I have to agree with you there. It's probably good for us that all the gods are gone.”

“At the very least, good for her!” Scotty got up and made to leave. “You know, I think independence was what she wanted all along. So I'm a little sad but I'm sure she'll do great things.”

“You got that right for sure.”


	31. The Changeling: Best Interest

“You know,” Kirk said, “there's one thing about Nomad that I still don't understand.” Kirk and Spock were in the mess hall, eating lunch together.

“And what would that be, Captain?” Spock asked.

“How Nomad thought I was Roykirk for so long. I could see making the mistake when first scanning, but it had plenty of access to our databases afterwards to figure out the truth.”

“Oh, that's simple,” Spock said. “I edited the database to reflect Nomad's assumptions.”

“You...” the captain trailed off before raising an eyebrow and grinning. “You didn't!”

Spock shrugged. “Do you object? It was in the best interest of the crew, after all.”

“I don't _object,_ Mr. Spock. I merely question the... scruples of such an action.”

“Deception is occasionally a logical choice,” Spock replied. “In this case, it probably saved all of our lives.”

“I guess I'll have to take your word for it.”


	32. Mirror, Mirror: Mercy & Kindness

Mirror Spock wasn't sure what to expect when he mind-melded with Dr. McCoy. It had been a bit of an impulsive action; he wanted information and a meld was the easiest way to get it. 

Everything he saw in Bones' mind had a surprising quality of mercy to it – the doctor working hard to save people's lives and losing sleep over patients, inquiring interactions with other aliens – all of it tinged with kindness. 

At first Mirror Spock was filled with disgust. Such displays of trust and graciousness were not logical. But then he felt a small amount of pity for those in the Empire, and victims of the Empire. “Live by the sword, die by the sword,” may have been an efficient way to live, but it wasn't usually pleasant. The only person that he ever felt that he could trust was Kirk.

Well, he wasn't even really sure of that, sometimes.

He left the mind-meld, and Bones saw, for a split second, the look of shock and sadness on Mirror Spock's face. He quickly recovered, however, and pulled the doctor along by the arm.

“Come along,” he said. “It's time you went home.”


	33. The Apple: At the Risk of Life

“Are you analyzing the plant darts from the Gamma Trianguli planet?” Spock asked Sulu in the hydroponics lab.

“Oh yes, the doctor wasn't joking around when he said they were _very poisonous._ ” He held up a test tube with one of the darts inside. “Something like this could be developed into an excellent antidote.”

“I'm sure it could.” Spock paused before asking, “I am wondering what your opinion is of the situation that occurred there.”

“Oh Vaal and all that?” Sulu turned back to look at Spock. “Yeah, everyone was comparing it to Eden except then it was obviously not.” He laughed. “Frankly I don't know that it was a moral issue at all. After all, Vaal told his people to kill you, isn't that right?”

“That is correct.”

“At that point, everyone's lives were on the line so I'd say that would... probably be more important than the Prime Directive. But, that's just my opinion, of course.”

Spock nodded thoughtfully. “Thank you for your insight, Lieutenant.”


	34. The Doomsday Machine: Potential to Destroy

“It's beautiful in a sad sorta way,” Scotty said. He was looking out the window of the shuttlecraft at the inside of the “planet killer.” 

“What do you mean by that?” Spock asked. 

“Well, the workmanship on a vessel this big is extraordinary, isn't it?” He turned back to look at the Vulcan. “But the only thing it was built to do was destroy. I could think of so many good things to build, but this...” he trailed off.

“I agree with you. The propensity of humanoids to kill themselves is seldom matched, even in the natural world.”

“'Tis really a shame. At least it's never gonna kill anyone again.” Scotty sighed.

“For that we have the Commodore to thank.” Spock sighed himself before turning to one of the other crewmen. “Ensign, please turn the craft around. I think we've seen all there is to see.”


	35. Catspaw: Costumes

“You were going to enlighten me on Halloween celebrations, Captain?” Spock asked as they ate lunch in Kirk's quarters. “I found some information in the database, but I feel I am missing some context as to the importance of such rituals.”

Kirk shrugged. “Maybe. I can tell you want you want to know.”

“So the ritual of children dressing up and collecting candy; I don't exactly understand the purpose of such a custom.”

“Trick or treating? Oh, I did that growing up. I had a lot of fun, as I suppose most children do.”

At that moment, the captain's door dinged. “Come in.”

Dr. McCoy entered with a PADD. “Here's the records on the new recruits you wanted.” He glanced curiously at Spock. “I hope I'm not interrupting anything?”

“Of course not,” Kirk said. “I was just explaining trick or treating to Spock.”

“Frankly it sounds illogical,” Spock replied. 

Bones shook his head. “It's fun – you get to dress up and get free candy. Any kid's best dream! What did you dress up as a kid, Jim?”

Kirk grinned. “Would you believe me if I told you that I was a Starfleet captain one year?”

“No way! I dressed up as a cowboy a couple years.”

“No doctor costume for you, Bones?”

“Nah. It all sounded like a lot of work when I was a kid.” The ship's doctor laughed.

“It sounds as though it is an avenue to express creativity and imagination for children, deviating from whatever its original purpose was,” Spock observed. 

“That's exactly right,” Kirk said. “Besides, you never wanted to be something else when you were a kid?”

“No,” Spock said with such finality that Bones laughed. 

“You are an absolute delight, Mr. Spock,” Bones said, not entirely with malice.


	36. I, Mudd: More Alike

“By the way, Doctor, I was thinking about what you said about myself and Mudd's robots,” Spock said to Bones on the bridge shortly after they'd left Mudd on “his planet.”

Bones nearly rolled his eyes. “Enlighten me, Spock.”

“There is one thing that distinguishes me from a robot or android.”

“And what's that?”

“Free will. I can choose the best course of action according to information provided. A robot can only do what it is programmed to.”

“See, that sounds like something a robot would say,” Bones interjected. 

“On the contrary,” Spock said. “You do the same thing in sickbay. You make the best choices for your patients to best perform your function as the ship's chief medical officer.”

“Well, I -” 

“We are more alike than you might think, Dr. McCoy.” 

Bones let Spock have the last word. This time.


	37. Metamorphosis: Empty Sacrifice

It was a week after the Enterprise left that it became clear something was wrong with the Companion. 

“What's wrong?” Zefram asked her. 

She sighed. “We made a mistake. Hedford's body cannot take my form after all. We are... incompatible.”

“What's going to happen to you?”

“We will expire.”

“How? I don't understand,” Zefram said.

“It does not matter now.” The Companion turned away from him. “What I am wondering is why you could not accept me for who I was, without who we are now. I understand now that the translator defined me as female because it was programmed to that binary. I was not female, I was not male, I was nothing but myself. We sacrificed everything to please you – it appears that this was not a sacrifice we should have made.”

Zefram could only watch as she pushed away from him and walked away over the horizon.


	38. Journey to Babel: Duty II

“You deceived me,” Spock said to Kirk as they both sat in sickbay, recovering on their way to Babel. “If I had known that you were not well, I would not have completed the procedure.”

“Frankly, Spock, you should be thanking me. If it wasn't for that, your father might not have made it.” They both glanced over at Sarek, sleeping in his bed. 

Spock nodded. He thought of the time he had deceived the captain to deliver Christopher Pike to the Talosians. Perhaps he could consider them, as humans would say, “even.” 

“What's on your mind?” Kirk asked. 

“Duty,” Spock said without hesitation. “But I stand by what I said before. Sarek would have been deeply ashamed of me should I have shirked my first duty to the Enterprise to attend to him.”

“Spock is right,” Sarek said, opening his eyes and sitting up. “He made the logical choice, and I do have to thank you for your efforts to save my life, Captain Kirk.”

“Not a problem,” Kirk said. “As the captain of this vessel, it is my obligation to care for any guests aboard. You could even say it's my duty,” he added, winking at Spock.

Spock resisted the urge to roll his eyes.


	39. Friday's Child: The Highest Honor

“Do you know why I call him _our_ child, MacCoy?” Eleen asked, her baby in her arms.

“No, I don't suppose that I do,” Dr. McCoy said. Straightening his back, he added, “If you could enlighten me?”

“Because,” she said with a smile, “you are the first man who persisted in caring for me, with no ulterior motive or cause. You helped, without asking for anything in return. Not even his father did that.”

Bones shrugged. “Well, I'm a doctor, it's my job where I'm from.”

“Well,” Eleen sighed, “things are different here. So, thank you.”

Bones looked warily at the encampment. Surely this would not be the end of Eleen and her son's struggles. “Sorry that I couldn't stay longer.”

“You have done enough. Tell me, what is yours and the captain's first names?”

“Leonard, and the captain's is James.”

Eleen nodded. “Then it has been decided. He will be Leonard James Akaar.”

“That's quite the high honor,” Bones said, surprised.

“The highest.” Eleen reached out and squeezed the doctor's hand. “Goodbye, MacCoy. Your people are waiting for you.”

And so he left, hoping for a good future for both Eleen and his namesake.


	40. The Deadly Years: Compliment

Bones watched Spock spasm in sickbay after giving him the serum. It felt... unnatural to see the Vulcan completely out of control of his body. It reminded him of when Spock had had the pon farr and thought he had killed the captain. Unpleasant times for them all. 

The doctor noticed that Spock had stopped moving and went to help him off the floor. “You okay?” he asked. “Didn't bump your head or anything, did you?”

Spock took a deep breath and said, “I am coming back to normal I believe, Doctor. My sensitivity to cold is decreasing and my eyesight is improving.”

“I'm glad to hear it,” Bones said. “You'd better get back to your post, I'm sure the captain's anxious to have you back on the bridge.”

Spock placed his hand on Bones' shoulder with some hesitation. “Thank you,” he said firmly. “For staying with me during the serum.” Then he turned and was gone before the doctor could reply.

Nurse Chapel came out of the office. “The cure worked?” she asked.

“Yep,” Bones said. “I'm sure he'll be back to his cold, calculating self in no time.”

Chapel shook her head. “That isn't very nice, Doctor.”

“You misunderstand me, Nurse,” Bones said, smiling. “It's a compliment.”


	41. Obsession: Personal Log I

First Officer Spock's Personal Log  
Stardate: Unknown

_I have to admit I have been experiencing a slight unease since the destruction of the captain's cloud creature._

_So many of the creatures we have encountered while aboard the Enterprise have presented a moral quandary: should a creature that has the potential to end humanoid life, whether by accident or design, be allowed to live?_

_The answer is almost always no. And the captain said that he could feel the evil from the creature... but it attempted to feed on me as well, and I experienced no emotions from it directly that could be considered negative._

_Thought I believe the choice to destroy the cloud creature was the correct one, I wonder how many times humanoids have destroyed things that they did not understand instead of attempting to accommodate them._

_Perhaps I am putting too much thought into this._


	42. Wolf in the Fold: Checking In

“Do you have the reports I asked for, Scotty?” Kirk asked as he entered engineering. 

“Well, of course,” Scotty said, somewhat surprised to see the captain. He handed Kirk a couple PADDs. “To what do I owe the pleasure? Surely you could have sent an ensign down here to get these reports.”

“Can't a captain visit the engineering department on his own ship?” Kirk said with a grin. “Ah but... I was checking in on you. How have you been since we left Argelius II?” 

“We've been busy here sir,” the chief engineer said, before adding, “Frankly, I'm glad to be far away from that planet as possible. I know I'm innocent but I'd rather not think about those poor women.”

“That's understandable. And your concussion is healed?”

“Nearly, sir. The doctor said that I should be back to a hundred percent in a week or so.”

“Good to hear.” Kirk clapped Scotty on the back before turning away.

“Captain?”

“Yes, Scotty?”

“You – you didn't think I did it, before we figured out, did ya?” Scotty asked nervously.

Kirk shook his head. “Not in a million years.”

“Boy, I have to say that is a relief, sir!”


	43. Trouble with Tribbles: Plant Advice

Sulu's door chimed and he opened it to reveal Uhura standing in the doorway.

“Well hello,” he said. “Come on in! To what do I owe the pleasure?”

Uhura entered the room with some hesitancy and took a seat. “This seems silly, but I've been missing my Tribble.”

Sulu grinned a little. “Oh, is that so? I'm sure the captain would let you get another pet if you asked -”

Uhura held up a hand. “I appreciate that, but I really don't want to push my luck.”

“That's fair.”

“I heard that you know a lot about plants, so I was wondering if you could give me a recommendation for a plant I could take care of in my quarters,” Uhura said.

“Certainly,” Sulu said. “There are all kinds of plants that you could replicate in your quarters. You'll need to get an appropriate light source, but I don't think that should be a problem.”

“Thanks so much for your help! I'm still a little embarrassed that the Tribbles got out of control but, well, I suppose some things just happen.”

Sulu shook his head. “Nothing to be embarrassed about. We all got a laugh out of it, anyhow.”

In the end, Uhura picked a fern – almost as soft as a Tribble but appreciatively not born pregnant.


	44. Gamesters of Triskelion: McCoy's Message

“You have reached the quarters of Spock. I am either working or I simply do not wish to see anyone at this time. Leave a message and I will attempt to respond promptly. Thank you.” 

There was a tone, and Dr. McCoy sighed. Truthfully, this was almost better than having to meet Spock face to face – but he still disliked leaving messages. Messages could be lost, skewed, or misinterpreted. 

He shook his head and began speaking. “Listen, Spock,” he said into the comm. “I'm sorry that I, uh, gave you so much hell when we were trying to rescue the captain and crew from the weird arena planet yesterday. I won't go as far to say you were right but I'm glad that you found them, okay? End message.”

“That was a fair apology, Doctor,” Spock said, standing behind Bones.

He jumped up in surprise. “Now look at you, scaring a man half to death. How long you been standing there anyway?”

Spock shrugged. “No more than a moment or so.”

“Well, fine then,” Bones said, making a point of straightening out his shirt. “I'd best get back to sickbay.” And off he walked down the hallway – rather quicker than usual, Spock thought.

The Vulcan raised an eyebrow. Dr. McCoy had apologized even though it was somewhat embarrassing and awkward, but still didn't want to have an actual conversation about it. Fascinating.

As Spock entered his quarters, the computer dinged. “You have one new message.”

“Save it to personal computer banks.”


	45. A Piece of the Action: Personal Log II

Dr. Leonard McCoy's Personal Log  
Stardate: Unknown

_I told Jim that I left the communicator on the planet with the mobsters. Which is true, and I wish I hadn't. Who knows what the Iotians will come up with?_

_However, I did leave something behind on purpose: my Starfleet-issued pamphlet for medical emergencies. I figured, if someone left behind a book about mobs on 20th century Earth, I'd best leave something actually useful._

_I guess we'll just have to wait and see._


	46. The Immunity Syndrome: Empty Loss

“You know, I just don't understand how it got out there,” McCoy said as he and Spock analyzed the data from the space amoeba in one of the science labs. “This thing has just created more questions than answers.”

Spock shrugged. “We can only hope that this data can be helpful in the future, when perhaps this puzzle will be solved.”

“You really think so?”

The Vulcan paused for a moment before saying, “It is comforting to hope so.”

They worked quietly for a few minutes; Bones broke the silence by asking, “Are you upset about the Intrepid? You don't have to answer if you don't want,” he added.

“It is quite alright, Doctor,” Spock said. “To answer your question honestly, yes, though perhaps it is illogical to feel that way. I had never met them and now no longer have the opportunity to do so.”

“Now there's nothing illogical about feeling sad about it,” Bones replied. 

“No, but questioning the meaning of such loss is. It is what it is, and no subjective interpretation will change the facts.” 

The doctor stopped himself from making a flippant remark once he saw that Spock's eyes were filling with tears. “Listen,” he said, “why don't we wrap this up for now and you can head on to your quarters?”

“Doctor, I am perfectly capable of -”

“I insist! Don't make me get security, Spock.”

The Vulcan left and Bones looked at the data, frowning. He hated to admit it, but out of everyone on the ship he really did worry about Spock the most.

On days like this he didn't envy Spock at all.


	47. A Private Little War: Knowing Spock

“Are you waiting for Dr. McCoy?” Dr. M'Benga asked Spock as the Vulcan stood in sickbay. 

“Indeed. He said he had data on the organic compounds he found on the planet.”

“I think he's on his lunch break right now, should be back soon,” M'Benga said. “By the way, I've been meaning to tell you something.”

“Yes?” Spock raised an eyebrow.

“You are aware that Nurse Chapel, well, likes you, right?”

“If anything, Dr. M'Benga, I am better than picking up on emotional cues than most humans.”

“So are you going to do anything about it? It's not very polite to leave someone hanging.”

Spock shook his head. “She has made no direct indication of her desires, and there is insufficient data at present to determine whether a partnership would be a good investment.”

“I-” M'Benga paused. “I'm not sure why I was expecting a different answer.”

“What are you gentleman talking about?” Bones approached the two of them. 

“Nothing important,” Spock said. 

“The PADDs are in my office, you can go ahead and take a look. I'll meet you in a sec,” Bones said. After Spock was out of earshot, he said, “Well?”

“I was asking Mr. Spock if he'd noticed Nurse Chapel's... affections for him.”

“I'm sure he has. But he won't do anything about it. That would be require him to be more vulnerable than he's comfortable with right now.”

M'Benga was astonished. “You must know him very well!”

“Yes, we're -” Bones, embarrassed, stopped short of calling Spock his friend. “I've worked with him a lot, is all.” And he went to his office, leaving M'Benga a little confused.


	48. Return to Tomorrow: An Error In Judgement

“Here are the final lab reports on the receptacles, Doctor,” Spock said, handing McCoy a PADD. “Also the captain is concerned that you've been avoiding him.”

“So what if I have,” Bones said, not looking up at Spock. 

“Frankly if you're having an issue, I'd like to know about it,” Kirk said, entering sickbay behind his first officer.

Bones grimaced. “Spock!”

Spock shrugged, his eyebrows raised and a half smile on his lips.

The captain smiled, his hands loose behind his back. “So what seems to be the issue, Bones?”

“Well, I don't want to talk about it with him here,” he said, feeling cranky for having been deceived by Spock.

“That's fair,” Spock said. “I will return to my post.” And he left.

Kirk looked at the doctor expectantly. “He's gone now.”

“Jim,” Bones said, “you made a mistake helping Sargon and those aliens! You gave this big old grandiose speech about taking risks for science and everyone bought right into it, including me. And what did we get? A whole lot of nothing, and I almost lost you to boot!”

Kirk stood silently for a moment before saying, “You're right. I did make a mistake. I wish I could go back and change my decision. But, I can't. I'll just have to – add it to my list of regrets.”

There was another pause before Bones said, “I thought for a minute that you were gonna deny you'd done anything wrong.”

“I don't regret most of my decisions as captain, Bones,” Kirk said. “I'd be a fool to not admit when I've made an error in judgment.”

“Well, I appreciate it.”


	49. Patterns of Force: Fixing Mistakes

“Can someone get a bag for our associate here?” Kirk asked. “I'd hate to beam him back up like this.”

As someone went off to fulfill the captain's request, Isak stood somewhat awkwardly before Kirk, Spock, and McCoy. “Well,” he said, “I guess this is goodbye.”

“Thank you,” Kirk said, “for helping us.”

Isak shook his head. “I'm not sure why you came back here, to be honest. You risked your lives to save our societies, when it wasn't really your responsibility,” he said. Pointing to John Gill's body, he added, “It was his.”

“Oh but it was our responsibility,” Kirk said. “The Federation sent him here in the first place.”

“Yeah but he broke the rules and taught us a bad way, not you.”

“All the same, since his choices left him incapacitated, it was our obligation to fix his mistakes,” Spock replied. 

“Well, thank you all the same,” Isak said.


	50. By Any Other Name: Scott's Orders

Scott woke up in sickbay, with Tomar in a bed nearby. Dr. McCoy approached him, shaking his head. 

“Did we get 'em?” Scott asked. His head pounded something terrible. 

“Yeah, but frankly you're lucky that you and Tomar here didn't get alcohol poisoning. I haven't seen someone with a BAC that high in a _long_ time.” He injected the chief engineer with a syringe. “There, that should get you back on your feet. The captain ordered bed rest for the rest of the day so get on to your quarters.”

Scott smirked, standing up a little uneasily. “Well as far as the drinking goes, I was only followin' orders, Doctor.”

McCoy watched Scott walk out of earshot before saying, “Hopefully next time your 'orders' don't require you to drink yourself into a coma!”


	51. The Omega Glory: Personal Log III

Spock's Personal Log  
Stardate: Unknown

_I have been recovering well since my injury on Omega IV. Tracey is awaiting trial and he has been transferred to a Federation penal colony in the meantime._

_However, I have been curious as to the artifacts of the flag and copy of the Constitution on the planet, and how they got there. The unique historical nature of such objects cannot be overstated, and as such must have been planted there. But by who?_

_I overheard the captain speaking to someone from Temporal Investigations yesterday; if they are involved, perhaps it really_ was _a time-traveler, as the evidence seems to suggest._

_In any case, it is now out of the_ Enterprise's hands. _Perhaps one day, I will get to see if my theory regarding this matter is correct._

_I will be looking forward to that time._


	52. The Ultimate Computer: Preoccupation

McCoy noticed as Daystrom stirred in sickbay. “Nurse Chapel, we need more sedative,” Bones called out across the room.

“No,” Dr. Daystrom said, holding up a hand. “I haven't gotten to apologize yet, for all this. I made a terrible mistake.”

“Damn straight you did,” Bones said. 

“I didn't want the M-5 to become an extension of myself, but it did. I thought that's what was missing, but it only made things worse.”

“Yeah, we know,” Bones replied. He felt bad for Daystrom, but he could also feel his anger boiling over at the engineer's incompetence. “Anything else you want to say?”

Daystrom mumbled something incoherent and Bones took the sedative from Chapel. “Well, that was just about useless.” He turned to see Spock walking into sickbay. 

“You seem distressed, Doctor,” Spock observed. 

“I'll be glad when he's off this ship,” Bones said. “Did you know, Spock, that he didn't even get a psych eval before putting his brain patterns in this computer of his? His excuse was that the project was behind! And I loathe paperwork and evaluations myself, but my god, man.” He shook his head in disbelief.

Spock stood silent for a moment, staring at Daystrom in his bed. “It seems that he was so pre-occupied with the potential for good that he did not consider margins for error, or the possibility of failure.”

“Yeah, well, he also misunderstood people. You can't teach a computer intuition. Or empathy.”

“That's true. And both those things are necessary for running a starship.”

McCoy broke out in a grin at Spock acknowledging the need for 'illogical emotions.' “I have to say I'm speechless, Mr. Spock.”

Spock once again had the last word.


	53. Bread & Circuses: Personal Log IV

Captain's Personal Log  
Stardate: Unknown

_It really is a shame that Merik died sending us back to the Enterprise. In my full report to Starfleet, I wrote everything that happened, and requested that should the Federation send more people to the planet, that they attempt to retrieve his body for his family._

_Naturally I would say that the crew of the Enterprise was braver and more clever than the crew of the Beagle, but I'm not so sure. We had luck and sympathy from the leadership on our side. And, of course, Flavius. He didn't live to taste freedom, but I hope to see the day that his people do._


	54. Operation Earth: Interventions

“You know, Captain,” Spock said, on a slow day on the bridge. “I do wonder something about Gary Seven.”

“And what's that?” Kirk asked. 

“How is it that Earth needs consistent intervention in the way of time-travelers? I recall my own planet needing no such interventions, though we made our own sacrifices long ago.”

“Well, Spock,” Kirk said with a grin, “how would you know? We came across Gary Seven completely by accident. Maybe there _are_ time-travelers keeping an eye on Vulcan and you just don't know about it.”

Spock raised an eyebrow. “I highly doubt that, Captain.”

“Are you implying,” Kirk continued, “that Vulcans are superior? You ought to be glad that Dr. McCoy is in sickbay and not up here on the bridge!”

“No,” Spock said, “merely observing that the people of Earth seem to need help _quite_ often.”

“You say this on the _Enterprise_ – usually we're the ones helping others.”

“I do have to admit that human nature has improved somewhat since the 20th century,” Spock replied.

“Somewhat?” Kirk dropped his jaw in fake surprise. “Really, Spock, I don't think you've given us enough credit!”

“On the contrary, I think I've given you exactly as much credit as you deserve.”


	55. Spock's Brain: Human Desires

“You know I gotta ask,” McCoy asked Spock in sickbay as he was examining Spock's brain scans, “how did it feel having your consciousness in a computer?”

“I apologize in advance, as I cannot prescribe an emotional state to my experience as you would, Doctor,” Spock began. “But I would describe it as eternal. No physical body, no physical needs. I did not experience hunger, or pain.”

Bones groaned. “That sounds like it would drive a man insane.”

“It was a state of being, such as it is. However,” Spock said, “though it was doubtless more efficient, I do prefer my own body. Perhaps it could be considered a weakness to desire a physical form, but it is all that I have known and so I am partial to it.”

“There's nothing 'weak' about having physical desires, Spock,” Bones said, incredulous. “It's only natural. Even human, one might say.”

Spock raised an eyebrow. “You said it, Doctor, not me.”


	56. The Enterprise Incident: Opposites Attract

Spock and Kirk were having their weekly lunch in the captain's quarters. It was shortly after their incident with the Romulan cloaking device. 

“So, the Romulan Commander,” Kirk began.

“What about her?” Spock asked. 

“Well,” Kirk said. “Did you... you know. Do.. anything?”

“I apologize for being so forward, but you'll have to be more specific, Jim.”

“You know,” Kirk said, continuing awkwardly. “She... seemed to like you quite a bit.”

Spock raised an eyebrow. “I know you tend to be most forward about your... romantic exploits, as you might call them, Captain. But Vulcans are private about such matters. And it is not something I myself speak of lightly.”

“Oh.” Kirk had to admit that he was confused by Spock's Vulcan and personal constraints. He briefly recalled Spock's pon-farr and how painful it was to get that info. But this time around it was hardly necessary to pry any further. 

“Well, you know what they say,” the captain finally said.

“And what is that, may I ask?”

“Opposites attract. That's us, just appreciating each others strengths and weaknesses.”

“That is something I have to agree with,” Spock admitted.


	57. The Paradise Syndrome: She Lived

The moment Kirk left the tent, Bones went back in and injected Miramanee with a hypo. She stirred. “Where is Kirok?” she asked. 

“He had to go,” Dr. McCoy said. “I'm sorry, but he won't be coming back.”

“Where is he going?” 

Bones sighed. “He must have had some fragmented memory of who he was. Did he tell you anything about that?”

Miramanee groaned. “He had strange dreams.”

“Well, the dreams were true. He doesn't belong here.” He squeezed her hand as reassuringly as he could. “You'll be okay, I promise. I can't make any guarantees on your child, but you'll live.”

“Okay,” she said, still groggy and sore. “Thank you. I don't even know your name.”

“Trust me,” he said, “it's better that way.”


	58. And the Children Shall Lead: Spock's Joke

Kirk was bored on the bridge, so he wandered over to his first officer's station. “What are you working on, Mr. Spock?”

“I'm attempting to formulate a theory about the Marauder on the Triacus colony. So far, I have narrowed it down to a mass hallucination caused by unknown chemical compounds on the planet and in its atmosphere, a being operating on wavelengths that we simply do not understand, or,” he added, “it was a ghost.”

“A ghost?” Kirk asked incredulously.

Spock turned around in his chair to face the captain, poker-faced as ever. “That,” he said, “was a joke.”

Kirk broke out in a grin. “You really gotta work on your delivery, Spock.”


	59. Is There in Truth No Beauty?: Personal Log V

Dr. Leonard McCoy's Personal Log  
Stardate: Unknown 

_This whole thing with Ambassador Kollos and Miranda has left me with some regrets. Mostly, that I outed her disability, her blindness, in front of the whole crew. It seems that she had made the right choice in concealing this, as the look on Jim's face afterwards... let's just say perceptions had changed._

_How am I to judge what is beautiful and ugly, anyway? With a species like the Medusans it appeared clear, but I have my doubts now._

_Well, I'm getting a little bit too introspective for my own liking. If I could change any of my many regrets, this would probably be among the least of them._

_At the very least it turned out good for her, in the end._


	60. Spectre of the Gun: Mercy Test

“Well, I have to say that was a pretty crummy test, Jim,” Bones said, pouring himself another shot of brandy. “We knew the answers all along, which made things extremely frustrating. For me, at least. Can't speak for you, of course.”

“I can agree with frustrating,” Kirk said. “The illusion was... a little lazy, I have to say.”

“It was good enough to trick you into thinking that Chekov was dead,” Bones said.

The captain raised an eyebrow to this. “You... didn't think Chekov had been killed?” 

“The evidence was in front of me,” the doctor admitted, “but we've had enough run-ins of this type that I had my doubts. This didn't really feel like one of those 'die for real' situations.”

Kirk smiled. “Spock would be proud of you.”

“I don't particularly care what Spock would think, only that I'd rather never see another Melkotian again.” Bones drained his glass of alcohol. “There are more efficient ways to discovering a species capacity for mercy, I'd think.”

“That's completely understandable.”


	61. Day of the Dove: Peace Someday

“How are the Klingons doing?” Kirk asked Spock on the bridge. 

“Well,” Spock said, “they seem to be comfortable, according to security reports. Eager to get off the ship, as well.”

“Can't say I blame them,” Kirk replied, then added, “Spock, can I be honest for a moment?”

Spock swiveled his chair to look at the captain. “Certainly.”

“Do you think we'll ever achieve true peace with the Klingons?”

Spock paused for a few moments. “I have to admit that though the Organian Treaty may have saved lives, it has made a genuine reconciliation more difficult. Perhaps we will be fortunate enough to see true peace with the Klingons.”

Kirk gave his first officer a knowing look and sighed. “But not today.”

“Highly unlikely, Captain.”


	62. For the World Is Hollow... In the End

Dr. McCoy was among the Starfleet personnel to greet the Fabrini vessel as it arrived on Daran V, over a year after it initially encountered the _Enterprise._

After the official greetings, Natira asked to see the doctor privately. They met in her quarters on the _Yonada_ after a brief tour of the planet.

“It really is as glorious as I imagined,” she said. “At last my people have a home again.” Natira turned to Bones. “But what of you? What of your deadly illness?”

“Oh,” Bones said. “Actually, I was cured shortly after we left you. The crew found a cure among the Fabrini archives.”

Natira took the doctor by surprise and wrapped him in a hug. “Oh, I am so glad,” she said. “Even though we didn't work out together, everything did work out in the end, didn't it?”

McCoy had a lot of emotions about the whole thing. Regret, of course; but also he felt satisfied. For once, he hadn't had to work tirelessly in sickbay for poor prognoses and deaths. 

“Yeah,” he said at last, a small smile tugging at his lips. “I guess you could say that.”


	63. The Tholian Web: Too Stubborn

Spock and Bones were eating lunch in the doctor's office in sickbay. It usually happened like this in waves – they'd be peaceable for a while, and then one would say something to the other and they'd both sulk and avoid each other for weeks.

Now was one of those peaceful times, and they were both quietly enjoying it. 

“So,” Dr. McCoy began, “we lied to the captain about the tape... why? He's gonna know we listened to it, he'll check the computer records.”

Bones could tell Spock was struggling a little to maintain composure. The Vulcan looked almost embarrassed. “Because... we do not require his assistance to keep, as you or the captain might say, away from each other's throats?”

“Well, maybe we do,” Bones said. “Maybe we should count ourselves lucky that the captain knows that, huh?”

“Perhaps,” was all that Spock would say. 

“You know,” Bones added with a sigh, “I guess we're both too stubborn for our own good.”

“That,” Spock admitted, “I regrettably have to agree with.”


	64. Plato's Stepchildren: Something Special

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry i am absolutely chapel/spock trash

“Nurse Chapel has been nervous around me ever since the encounter with the Platonians,” Spock said to McCoy in sickbay. McCoy was reading some patient records on his PADD.

“I'm sure she'll be fine,” Bones said, not looking up from his PADD. “Our encounter with those bastards was pretty stressful for everyone.”

“Perhaps I should be more clear,” Spock said. “I am asking for advice on how to reassure her.”

The doctor, surprised, looked up at Spock. “You're asking me for help? Well, I dunno,” he said. “Maybe she didn't know that you knew that she, well...” He trailed off, shaking his head. “Listen, Spock, I don't think you really need my advice. I think you already know what to say. You just need the courage to say it. Trust me, you aren't going to hurt her feelings or make things worse.”

Later that day, Spock approached Chapel in sickbay, startling her. “Oh, I'm sorry,” she said, almost dropping a tray of hypos. “I didn't see you there, Mr. Spock.”

“It's quite alright,” the Vulcan said. He grabbed the nurse lightly by the shoulder. “I wanted to apologize,” he said, measuring out each word carefully, “for the way the Platonians treated you. That was unfair, and cruel.”

“Oh, you don't have to apologize, Spock,” Chapel said. She leaned a little into his touch. “It wasn't your fault.”

Spock couldn't recall if he'd ever been this close to Nurse Chapel voluntarily. He was gripped by a sudden urge to kiss her – the right way, this time.

But instead, he let go of her. “That does not change the fact that I am sorry it happened,” Spock said. 

The nurse seemed more relaxed now. She smiled and said, “You're so thoughtful. You must have been so worried about me.”

Spock said nothing but wouldn't meet her eye.

Chapel reached out and gently patted him on the shoulder. “I'll be okay. Promise. You should worry about yourself for once. After all, surely that was unpleasant for you, too.”

Spock opened his mouth to say something but thought better of it. “I should return to the bridge,” he said. And off he went.

McCoy joined her a few moments later. “I just saw Spock leave,” he said, adding, “I think he was blushing!”

“Oh, you leave him alone,” Chapel said. 

McCoy snorted. The nurse really did bring something special out in Spock, that was for sure.


	65. Wink of An Eye: Again

“I want you to send all your research on the antidote for the Scalosian water to Starfleet Medical,” Kirk told Bones in sickbay. “Perhaps they can synthesize it and a ship can bring it back to Scalos.”

“I was already planning on it,” Bones said. “Though maybe we shouldn't, since they nearly succeeded in hacking the Enterprise and murdering all of us.”

Kirk shook his head. “Desperate times lead to desperate measures. Deela, especially, didn't care for anything but the survival of her people. Well, that... and me, I suppose.”

“Jim,” the doctor said sternly, raising his eyebrows in mock surprise. “Again?”

The captain shrugged. “You know, Bones, I think... I think she just viewed me as a toy. A thing... to fill her desires and needs. And, I was unpredictable... even better.”

Bones shook his head. “That's no way to establish a relationship.”

Kirk held open his hands in exasperation. “You're telling me.”


	66. The Empath: A Cruel Test

“Are you finished with the report on the Vians for Starfleet yet?” Bones said, entering Kirk's quarters. 

The captain had been waiting for this. “Not yet,” he said. “Why, have something you want to add?”

“Oh, you know I do, Jim,” Bones said, sitting down in one of Kirk's chairs. “But maybe you'd better leave me out of it.”

“Well,” Kirk said, “why don't you just tell me what you think?”

“You already know what I think,” Bones said, his voice dripping with bitterness. “Such a stupid 'test.' Of course Gem's not going to want to sacrifice herself for a bunch of aliens she just met! So ridiculous that they just got away with torturing all of us like that.”

“Now, don't give up your hopes on justice yet,” the captain said. “I'm taking into account everything that happened and I'm strongly advising that the Vians be tried for crimes against humanity.”

Bones smiled despite himself. “I should have never doubted you, Jim.”


	67. Elaan of Troyius: Personal Log VI

Dr. Leonard McCoy's Personal Log  
Stardate: Unknown

_All the bullshitting about Kirk being married to the ship aside, of course I gave him the antidote to the Elasian tears. The wedding, I hear, went well... though I have reservations now about the Federation's non-interference policy. I saw Elaan before sending her down to the planet, to get a sample from her tear ducts. She was absolutely miserable. A symbolic, arranged marriage to prevent a war sounds like something out of a fairy tale – not something viable in_ real life. _And I heard from Scotty that the real reason the Federation was so invested (and the Klingons) was because of dilithium crystal deposits on Troyius._

_The more things change, the more they remain the same, I guess._


	68. Whom Gods Destroy: The Other Side

“It's as I suspected,” Dr. McCoy said, taking notes on his PADD. “You're exhibiting symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder.”

“Really?” Kirk asked.

“Yes, _really_ , Jim,” Bones replied with more than a hint of sarcasm. “Frankly, I wouldn't expect anything else. From what you told me, you not only watched Captain Garth blow up that girl Marta, but you also had to fight for your life when he looked exactly like you!”

“I suppose... that could be stressful on anyone.”

Bones snorted. “Yeah, well. You're not gonna like what I have to say next.”

“Go on, I can take it,” the captain said. 

“One week leave, and I'm referring you to a psychiatrist.”

“Oh... but...” Kirk trailed off. “Can't you just fix it, Bones? Can't you just make me feel better?”

The doctor shook his head. “If only I could, Jim. We've made fantastic advances in human medicine but I can't just snap away trauma. And before you ask,” he said, noticing the captain about to open his mouth, “the medication used on the penal colony is a form of sedative. It's not a cure-all and you saw what it did to Garth.”

The captain sighed uncharacteristically. 

“Listen,” Dr. McCoy continued. “You're James T. Kirk, captain of the Enterprise! If anyone can make it through the other side of this pain, it's you.”

“Thanks, Bones,” Kirk said, smiling a little. “That means a lot, coming from you.”


	69. Let That Be Your Last Battlefield: Something Different

“I really don't understand how things could get that bad!” Chekov said to Sulu in the cafeteria. “Wasn't there anyone in authority that could have put a stop to all the hatred?”

“Apparently not,” Sulu said. “But you know, it could have been that the authority mandated the violence. Commanded it, even.”

“Really?” Chekov said in disbelief. “You really think so?”

“Oh, I'm positive of it,” Sulu replied. He thought for a moment of his parents talking about their ancestors, who were kept in internment camps for merely looking like the enemy. It was certainly hard to believe but the facts were facts. “Neither of us were around for it, but war existed on Earth for generations, over nothing but the difference of people's skin color.”

“Yes, I was taught that in school,” Chekov said, “but reading about it and seeing the reality of it...” He shook his head. “It's something different altogether, isn't it?”

Sulu sighed. “Yes, it certainly is.”


	70. The Mark of Gideon: Live to Regret It

“You know something I don't understand,” Bones said, filling a hypo while the captain looked on, “is the people's obsession with the potential for life. My god man, their planet is filled to capacity and they still can't use a condom?” Kirk laughed. “Or better yet, they could have immigrated! Somewhere! Anywhere!”

Kirk was still smiling at the doctor's bluntness. “Bones, you really do make my days brighter.”

“I'm serious, Jim,” Bones continued. “An infinite number of solutions and they choose the one that involves human sacrifice!”

“It's voluntary,” Kirk said.

The doctor grimaced. “You say that... but I have my doubts.”

“In any case, there's nothing we can do,” the captain said. “They've made their decision, and they'll have to live with the consequences.”

“Yeah, well, I think they're going to live to regret it.”


	71. That Which Survives: A Good Question

“So what did you find from the planet's computer?” Kirk asked Spock.

Spock swiveled around in his chair to face the captain. “Nothing,” he said. “The culture's database was deleted when the terminal was destroyed. Seemingly by design. I'll give a full report at our bridge meeting tomorrow morning.”

“I'll look forward to it.” Kirk went to turn away but the Vulcan cleared his throat.

“Captain,” Spock said, “I have to admit I am still somewhat bothered by what you said earlier about beauty. Is that really the most important thing about this lost civilization?”

“Well, certainly not the most important thing. But since you said the information about them was destroyed, it _is_ the only thing left, isn't it?”

“I wonder,” Spock said, “if you would have said the same thing were the avatar a man.”

Kirk raised his eyebrows. “That's a good question, Mr. Spock. I'll have to get back to you."


	72. The Lights of Zetar: Ghosts

“You know, if I didn't know better, I would say that the lights of Zetar were ghosts,” Chekov said to Sulu on the bridge. 

“Really?” Sulu said. “Go on, I'm intrigued.”

“Well, just think about it. They were basically the memories of a bunch of dead people, they possessed Lieutenant Romaine, and they didn't have bodies!”

“You've got me there,” Sulu said. “Though I'm sure Mr. Spock would disagree with you.”

“Ack, Mr. Spock doesn't believe anything unless he has a PADD with numbers telling him exactly what's going on,” Chekov said. Seeing his crewmate's incredulous look, he continued, “Oh come on, you know it's true. He might have more fun if he believed in superstitions.”

Sulu chuckled to himself. “I don't think he _wants_ to have fun, Chekov.”

“Ah, well. His loss.”


	73. Requiem for Methuselah: Memory

Spock waited for Kirk to wake up after, well, meddling with his mind. He had not made the captain _actually_ forget anything; memory didn't work like that. Spock had rather hidden the memories of Rayna so that Kirk wouldn't be able to immediately access them. By the time he remembered, it would no longer feel fresh and painful. 

While he waited, Spock reflected on what Bones had said to him. What a perspective – that the only thing worth sacrificing anything for was love. The implication that he was incapable of it or had rejected it caused a rare flash of anger to strike him. 

Spock reminded himself that he was not lacking because he didn't ascribe to a subjective perspective of emotional value. But it still hurt to hear the doctor's words.

The captain began to stir. “Oh sorry, Spock, I seemed to have dozed off.”

It was time to test the captain's memory. “Our excursion to the planet to obtain the antidote must have exhausted you.”

Kirk squinted oddly, as if trying to remember something that was just out of reach. “Yes, that must have been it.” He was quiet for another moment. “Spock, you were playing piano on the planet, weren't you? Where did you learn how to play?”

“My mother taught me,” Spock said. “I didn't have very much patience for it at first, but I have grown to enjoy the instrument.”

“You, impatient?” Kirk smiled, and Spock almost smiled himself. “Now that I would have to see.”

“Most young Vulcans are, as children,” Spock said. “It is an emotion that we learn to contain.” He stood up. “I should get back to my duties, Captain.”

“Alright. Thanks, Spock.”


	74. The Way to Eden: Playing to Deceive

Irina stood in the doorway to Spock's quarters, holding Adam's instrument. She cautiously walked in and handed it to Spock. “No one else knows how to play it,” she admitted. “And I know we were all playing to deceive, but I think he would have wanted you to have it.”

“That is quite gracious of you,” Spock said.

“He was the most cheerful of all of us,” Irina continued. “He shouldn't have died.”

“I regret that myself,” Spock said, holding the instrument and observing it. “The whole situation has been quite unsettling, most of all for you, I'm sure.” He looked back up at Irina. “But now you are free to do as you wish. I hope you use that freedom wisely.”

“I think I will, Mr. Spock. Thank you.”


	75. The Cloud Minders: A Better Way

“Did you read the Federation brief about Stratos?” Kirk asked Spock during their weekly lunch together.

“I did,” Spock said. 

“So?” Kirk asked expectantly. “What did you think?”

“It was almost inevitable that the cloud city would fall,” the Vulcan replied. 

“And why do you say that, Spock?”

“Because our roles as mediators is often not enough. The rulers of Stratos were not willing to give enough reparations for their crimes and so...” Spock trailed off. “This was a result.”

“It is a shame that the city was lost, though,” Kirk reflected. “Decades of innovations in the arts gone.”

“Yes, but perhaps the trogolytes will get the justice they've fought for. It may be the better way.”

Kirk looked lost in thought. “I believe you are right – as always, Mr. Spock.”


	76. The Savage Curtain: Nuance

“So tell me your final analysis of the situation with the Excalbians, Spock,” Kirk said to Spock on the bridge.

“The alien seemed disappointed in our performance, and I believe that is so simply because they did not factor in the nuance of humanoid morality systems. We may say that things are 'good' or 'evil,' but in creatures that experience and acknowledge emotion, those labels are often subjective.”

Kirk nodded. “And they seemed confused on our initial refusal to fight.”

“Indeed. The belief that good must triumph over evil in a physical fight is reminiscent of an epic. Reality does not work in those narrative terms.”

“Very good observations, Mr. Spock. Now as exciting as it was to meet 'Lincoln,' let's hope that's the last of the Excalbians we see for a long time.”

“Agreed.”


	77. All Our Yesterdays: Thoughtful

Spock was avoiding Bones after the incident on Sarpeidon... unsurprisingly but unfortunately. Eventually he had no choice but to ask Kirk to order Spock to sickbay; he had news to share with the Vulcan.

“What is so important that you had to ask Jim to ask me to come to the bridge?” Spock asked once in sickbay face-to-face with the doctor. 

“Well, I figured if I asked you myself, you might not come, since you're still hung up on what happened at Sarpeidon. Spock,” Bones interjected as he saw the Vulcan open his mouth to speak, “I really don't want to argue with you about it right now. I was doing some research and I found out something that might interest you.”

“And what would that be, Dr. McCoy?” 

“I was wondering why _you_ had a personality change in the ice age and I didn't. After all, it does seem like that should have been the case. As you might have guessed, it has to with Vulcan physiology as opposed to human's.” He pulled a disc out of one of the sickbay computers. “Here's all my data findings on the phenomenon.”

Spock took it, looking almost confused. “That's... very thoughtful of you, Doctor.”

Bones smirked. “Well, I thought you'd want to know.”


	78. Turnabout Intruder: Respect

“Well Jim, Lester and Coleman are off the Enterprise now,” Bones said as they moved away from Starbase 2 on impulse speed. “I hope that gives you a little piece of mind.”

Kirk shook his head. “I doubt I'll be back to normal for a while, Bones.”

“If you don't mind me asking, why did she want to be a captain so bad?”

“She wanted to have what I had, in the way that I had it. She thought if she could do that, that I would respect her more. And then I left her, and then... well.” Kirk waved his hands. “If I could go back, I would change so much. My playboy tendencies in Starfleet have come back to bite me, and endangered everyone aboard the Enterprise.”

“So did you learn anything by being in Lester's body?” Bones asked. 

“Oh, quite a bit,” Kirk said, but he declined to say anything further about the matter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who has left kudos, comments, and otherwise enjoyed this collection!! Your support is much appreciated. I'll be doing a similar series for TNG, Voyager, and DS9, so feel free to follow me if you'd be interested! Thanks again, and as always, LLAP!


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